Kamilah MS

How to be a Team Player in Your Marriage?

Kamilah MS

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After making matrimonial vows, both husband and wife need to know that you have entered into a committed relationship. It comes with taking on new roles, new responsibilities, and new challenges not alone but with a partner for life.

Here are some points on how you can be a team player in your marriage:

#1 Share Your Goals with Your Spouse

After having gone through three marriages, I realise that I had underestimated the power of intention before entering a marriage. You have to have clarity on why you choose to get married and why you choose to settle down with your spouse. Different people have different agendas, dreams and goals in a marriage and it is important to paint a clear picture on what you would like to accomplish in the marriage; and be sure to share them with your spouse.

Sharing matrimonial goals together is important so you can support and remind one another to fulfill those goals.

A husband’s aim to marry may also differ from his wife’s; I also need to add that when your partner shares his or her goals and aspiration, do not be quick to judge, question and belittle those goals especially when their’s is completely different from yours!

For example, a wife may want to have romantic travels throughout her marriage and the husband may want to have an early retirement and spend most of his time doing sports with his family.

It is important to acknowledge that when you marry someone, that person have his or her own individuality, hobbies and interests. Entering a marriage does not mean that they have to completely let go of their hobbies or interests or identity.

#2 Be a Supportive Partner

As a supportive partner, your role is to empower your spouse’s goals in fulfilling his or her needs. If there is a hobby that may prove to be risky such as mountaineering, you have to be prepared to accept that hobby and not be quick to expect a sudden change for the interest or hobby simply because he/ she is now married to you.

You might be worried and concerned about his/her safety, the least you could do is to remind your spouse on safety and maybe once in a while share your discomfort without blaming your spouse’s decision to continue pursuing a risky hobby. You see, I am not asking you to agree with his/her hobby.

Being supportive does not mean you are agreeing or encouraging; it means that you are not adding on a burden to your spouse by arguing and forcing him/her to leave the activity.

#3 Understanding your Spouse’s Point-of-View

You are free to disagree and express your feelings and point-of-view.

You must be willing to explore your spouse’s point-of-view to have a better understanding of his/her perspective.

Who knows? You might end up loving your spouse’s ideas and interests too and you would be surprise that after enough of sharing your concern with patience and understanding, your spouse might ended up being willing to let go of his or her perspective altogether because your spouse began to understand your point-of-view.

It takes time, patience and maturity to be able to understand another person’s perspectives.

#4 Do not Micro Manage your Partner

You have chosen another person to live under the same roof with you; and that does not mean that the person have to abide by yours and only household rules. You need to understand that your partner were not necessarily brought up the same way as you did. Probably, you were from a household that had a live in maid to help you with the household and your spouse on the other hand were raised to clean up after themselves.

Take the time to ask questions and be interested to know how both of you would like to have things done so both can manage your expectations of one another or better still come to a mutual agreement and understanding on what to do and avoid. I say mutual, because if your partner is not comfortable adopting your ways, you must be willing to not expect your spouse to do things or chores exactly as you wished for your spouse to do.

Example, where to hang the towels? This is a classic chore that most couples would often bicker about with one another. The husband prefers to leave his towel to dry on the bed frame, while the wife prefers the towel to dry on the railing in the bathroom. Most often than not the wife would usually yell and call out on her husband for not hanging his towel her way and both ended up in an argument.

I notice the towel scenario in my marriage too but being aware makes me choose the other option of moving his towel to dry on the railing every time after he took a shower. I just know that in this matter, there isn’t a particularly correct way on how one should leave their towel to dry so I learn how to choose my battles. Make requests and communicate instead or arguing over a towel.

Surely, I do expect that my husband would eventually do things my way but hey, he might just think the same about me too so I choose not to bring up an unnecessary argument into a marriage because believe me, once you are micro managing and being nit picky, your partner will do the same to you too. It’s contagious and will never end!

#5 Trust your Partner

Trust has always been the epitome of any relationships. Once broken, you lost that trust forever or so it seems.

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