When you follow a lot of those big parenting blogs or platforms, we often hear complaints from the mummies about how it is often hard to jugging parenting duties and self-care.
Yes, self-care is about caring for your mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing. There are eight aspects of wellness for you to take note of and they are:
- Social Wellness
- Environmental wellness
- Financial Wellness
- Spiritual Wellness
- Physical Wellness
- Occupational Wellness
- Emotional Wellness
- Intellectual Wellness
Yesterday, in my second round of K Mummies Focus Group Session, with two other mummies who attended, we discussed wellness.
During the session, I asked the following questions and I gathered the following insights from the mummies.
What are the common complaints you have heard about a mummy who can’t focus on her health and wellbeing? With each complaint, what healthy alternatives you could suggest to the mummy?
Most mummies tend to say that they do not have the time
to spare to attend to their wellbeing. It boils down to what these mummies thought self-care meant, it was as though self-care was a hassle or extremely time-consuming when it does not necessarily mean that.
Sometimes, mummies who neglect their self-care said that they would feel guilty for taking time out
from their children to focus on themselves.
There needs to be an awareness that when mummies care for themselves, they would be more focused, alert and calm when caring for their children. Mummies need to learn how to live guilt-free life for the sake of their well-being.
Mummies are also feeling the societal and cultural pressures
of how a mummies’ role is typically defined. Mummies are often portrayed as someone who is a do-all, they cook, they clean, they do the laundry, they feed their children, nurture and educate, being a caring wife who takes care of the husband too on top of the children and household, and putting on a lot of hats at the same time being a multi-tasker and when mummies play multiple roles they would be awarded the title of a ‘Super Mummy’. There is nothing wrong with being a multitasker and accomplishing all of that if the mummy enjoys doing it and at the same time, it is not a definition of how all mummies need to be.
Mummies are individuals who have different goals and aspirations in life. When we limit a mummy’s role to a stereotypical role, we are limiting the growth and potential of an individual, who may be able to contribute to their family in many different ways too.
One of the mummies commented during the session that mummies tend to be fixated to be doing things a certain way. The approach of doing things a fixed way has a lot to do with culture and upbringing.
When mummies learnt to let go, it would serve and benefit mummies in the long run. Let go, as some of those chores can wait or we can assign the chore to someone else and be objective and think of the bigger picture.
No one would be there all the time to remind the mummies to focus on their wellbeing, that is why it is important to learn how to let go. For example, if a mummy is complaining of a backache. Let go of any chores that could aggravate the backache. Simply, LET GO.
Share your example or an example of someone you know who is a mother who is great at caring for her health and wellbeing?
What can we learn from you or the “role-mother”?
These are some of the real-life examples given:
a- Going cycling
b- Taking kids out to new interesting places.
c- Spa and massages.
d- Go shopping or window shopping.
e- Watching what they eat.
f- Having a fixed daily routine.
g- Waking up early for prayers.
h- Walk instead of taking the bus to the market.
i- Dressing up at home.
One of the mummies in the focus group shared that she once lived with her aunt and she observed how systematic her aunt was running her household despite her age being a sixty-five-year-old elderly. She would wake up early at 4 AM to do her prayers daily and right after the fajr prayer, she would prepare breakfast for everyone and after breakfast, she would walk three bus stops to the market. Despite this daily morning routine
, she never once complain about being tired and she was one of the calmest women that our K Mummy has met. Her husband would also jog early in the morning every single day. The family was cohesive and peaceful.
Another mummy shared that she knew a mummy who knows how to take care of her boundaries
. She would not meddle with family matters that do not directly concern her and she knew how to say no and not be too concern about external matters that do not involve her life. She is also someone who is determined to focus on her work and does not get easily distracted. She knows how to carve out her time for self-care too.
At home, this ‘role mother’s mummy would dress up so well for her husband and the reason being that she is committed to creating matrimonial peace
and want to look pleasant for her husband after her husband came back home from his hectic day at work. Her husband works with children and he would often come home feeling stressed, dressing up was her gesture to calm her husband down and to create peace at home and her husband reciprocated the gesture by not venting out his stress at work towards her and treated her her with kindness and love too. It is a win-win outcome!
What can we do as fellow mummies to encourage other mummies to focus on their wellbeing?
Do not make mummies feel that they are lacking. Invite and show them your examples. Exchange ideas
such as through tagging them when we come across useful articles and resources and follow-up by asking,
“what do you think of the article that I tagged you?”
We can also invite mummies to our home (be sure to check the safety guidelines for Covid-19 measures in your country) to learn and do something new together such as baking.
Mummies need to also be mindful to not dispense unsolicited advice
to other mummies. We must not assume what the mummy knew or did not know. We can introduce books that we love to read or gift a mummy a helpful book that you got value from. These are subtle ways we can support fellow mummies.
That was the overview of our discussion in the second round of K Mummy’s Focus Group session. As usual, after discussing a topic of their choice, I left them with homework that they must be committed to sharing with other K Mummies in our exclusive WhatsApp group. You can try it on for yourself too.
- Find the time to exercise for 7 minutes at least twice a week.
- Cut down on sugar or go zero on sugar.
- Eat half plate vegetables, a quarter plate protein and cut down on carbs.
- Cut down rice.
- Find time to meditate before the start of each day.
Join our weekly K Mummy’s Focus Group Session, you may WhatsApp +65 9855 0402 or e-mail [email protected]