In session number 9 of K Mummy’s Focus Group, we discussed time management.

In this blog, as usual, I will share the insights I’ve gotten from the session and also my take on time and how I “manage” it.

First, we need to have an awareness as to how we relate to time. One mummy shared that time can be a friend or a foe, depending on how we use it.

From that perspective, if we relate to time as a friend, we would see time as being given to us to spend and we would spend it according to how much time we have and all of us have 24 hours a day. If we relate to time as a foe in a way that we are always running out of time because we are not given enough time, then we would always feel stressed and pressured to get things done.

I have all the time in this world to just sit on this rock, at least it felt like it when I am being in the moment. It felt as if time paused for me to enjoy this beautiful scenery. Nowhere to rush.

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One of the mummies shared that instead of trying to find more time, she challenged herself to complete a certain task within a timeframe, for example, instead of wishing for more time given to finish cooking, she challenged herself to complete cooking within one hour. She said that she learnt how to trust herself in being able to complete tasks fast and that also lead her to cook simpler, healthy and practical meals for her family.

Another mummy shared that time is precious, time that has passed will teach us to appreciate things that we have achieved or missed. Time needs to be utilised fully and wisely.

She shared that during her younger years as a mother, she spent a lot of time at work and she missed out on spending enough time with her children and her spouse. Since that realisation, she allocated quality time spent with her children and her spouse because she learnt that she cannot get back the time that had gone by, she can only learn to utilise time wisely moving forward.

Many of us struggle to manage our time, sometimes we struggle to be punctual, we fail to hand in our assignments or tasks on time and we find it hard to see things through completion and we say that we do not have time or we are busy.

I used to struggle with time, I remember my principal in school said that I would never be on time. She added that latecomers would always be latecomers for the rest of their lives.

Yes, I was always late for school. The school was 2 hours bus ride away from home and I had to walk at least ten minutes to the bus stop. Imagine every day spending four hours to and fro? Plus school started very early in the morning too.

I know some of my schoolmates travelled to school from across the border so, it sounded like I was gaving myself excuses for always being late.

Deep down, I did not enjoy going to school. I was not the smartest in class and I struggled to cope with almost twenty subjects. My mom was a teacher there too so the pressure to perform was ten times more. Why am I sharing this?

I want you to see that how you see particular tasks or situations will affect the relationship you have with time too. I did not like going to school, so it made sense why I was constantly late, it was not the journey to school, that was just an excuse that I could use to validate that I was always late. I did not dare to tell my mom or my teacher that I did not like to go to school.

Guess what? This happens to adults too. We sometimes give ourselves reasons and excuses as to why we are not punctual or why we did not do our chores on time. If we are honest with ourselves, we find the answer as to why we continuously struggle to complete or do certain tasks. That is why having awareness as to how we relate ourselves to the chore or task will help us see how we relate to the time needed to be spent on that chore or task.

For example, if you constantly struggle to leave work early for home, it could mean that you find explaining to your boss or colleagues daunting and so it is easier to tell your family that you cannot finish work on time because the boss gave you too much work. If you keep doing this all the time for years, your relationship with your family would be affected and your boss and colleagues would continuously expect you to stay and do more work for them.

Time waits for no man. As cliche as it sounds, the majority of the people in this world still takes time for granted. Usually, they would only have a realisation about time on their death beds. It is morbid but this is how it is for most.

How can we manage time?

One mummy shared that she does not manage her time but she manages what she can do with the time she has. Yes, we can only optimise our time. We cannot buy time. I shared that we need to be realistic with our time and set realistic goals within the time that we have.

If we have smaller children to care for, we know that they could have their meltdowns, they would ask you to play along with them, they may want your attention and so our days become predictable as such with young children. We got to be realistic with our schedule and the things we want to do.

Sometimes we tend to be too hard on ourselves by setting unrealistic goals, goals that are impossible to accomplish within a particular timeframe. Scientists needed years to build a rocket and that’s calculated, even babies need 9 months to fully develop. Why are we giving ourselves an unrealistic timeframe to complete a lot of tasks in one day, one month and one year?

There is a difference between being productive and being a doer. Some people do a lot of things but they are not productive. For example, they cook, they clean, they work but they do not do a proper job at all of them because everything is a rush and it felt as if we were in the middle of a war zone at home (I am exaggerating). Then, there is another person that aims to complete a few important tasks that he or she sets out to do. When that task is complete, albeit being a few, that is considered as being productive at least for that person.

With time on your side, you get to smell the flowers.

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To be able to spend time to do what we set to do requires courage too, the courage to speak up and ask for support, the courage to say no, the courage to leave the younger kids over to our parents, etc. because remember, it is impossible to do it all by ourselves.

How do we decide what is productive for us?

We begin by identifying what is important in our lives.

One mummy shared that quality time with herself and family are most important to her.

Another mummy shared that time spent seeking inspiration from coaches or motivational speakers on Instagram is very important to her.

When we have identified what is important to us in our lives, we plan our days accordingly to what is most important to us, so that we have a bigger picture in mind. If we need to work, work in a way that reminds us of our family. We work to provide for them and we work not to spend more time away from home, so with that in mind, being productive at work would allow us to be able to spend quality time with our children too because we feel at peace knowing that the job is secure because you are productive and your family get to spend enough time with you because you are home early.

These are all simple examples of how we could alter our relationship with time.

I left the mummies with the homework below:

Steven Covey’s Four Quadrant to be productive. I’ve been using these four quadrants for more than a decade and it helps me simplify my life more than any other productivity tool I have ever used. Why don’t you try to plan your day from this quadrant?

Why is Positivity Important for Personal Growth? – Cat: Empowerment 

I was exposed to positivity through the motivational camps or programs that I went to and from the books I’ve had read since I was a teenager.

Positivity brought me to where I am today. I can experience inner peace in my day to day life no matter my challenges.

After my first job at the National University of Singapore, I went into the financial industry where I was exposed to a lot of motivational talks and training to help the sales force be at the right mindset to achieve our goals in our career while helping our clients.

I had a fair share of exposure in the multilevel marketing business and attended their training and events.

Most of it was superfluous in my experience. There was no meat but a lot of hype. The few programs or training and books I read did turn my life around and I began to have deeper insights and understanding about myself and as I dwell deeper into recognising who I am, I began to truly understand why positivity when done right, will make a huge impact to not only our mental health but also every aspect of our lives such as spirituality, physical health, relationships, career, family, home environment and more.

I have concluded that positivity is like a natural medicine for our hearts and our mind and it is charged with healing energy too. Furthermore, psychologists have established the field of positive psychology and found more and more scientific evidence of the benefits of being positive. Look up renowned psychologist, Martin Seligman.

What do I mean by doing it right?

Here are a few tips on how you can kick start your journey towards positivity:

1- Practice meditation. 5 minutes a day is a good start. Meditation can help you have a new level of awareness about what’s going on with your mind, body and soul. Without awareness, it would be challenging to address our thoughts and behaviours.

2- Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with gentleness.

Yes, two important tips simple, yet many struggles to do them consistently.

I discussed this topic with member’s of my K Mummy’s Focus group and I gathered the following insights from the discussion.

I asked them to define positivity and they came up with the following definitions:

1- Acceptance, finding the silver lining and being worry-free.

She gave her example about waking up late and instead of blaming herself or make herself feel bad about it, she would learn from it and not do it again.

Each time when we blame ourselves, it would make us feel horrible about ourselves and we might end up in a bad mood for the entire day.

2- Failure is not negativity and something to be fearful of. Failure is a way for us to learn. Positivity is about accepting shortcomings. As nobody is perfect.

This mummy shared how she is no longer feeling afraid of making mistakes and she is more forgiving and compassionate when others make mistakes.

3- Positive People seems to be more confident.

I find that this is an interesting and spot-on observation from the mummy who shared this. When you come to think of it, most people who have a positive mindset and positive outlook in life tend to show up confident.

I can confirm from my experience that now that I am a more positive person, I do feel a lot more confident about myself, my actions and my life.

My late mom too became more confident, cheery, joyful and bubbly when she practiced positivity.

It is a far cry from when we were both angsty, moody and lacking confidence.

4- Being positive will affect our daily life and being able to stay positive is the key to solving many problems. Positivity requires focus.

This mummy shared a great point. Yes, what you focus on you become.

Amid distractions and negativity surrounding us, how can we stay focus and be steadfast in our practice towards positivity?

It is true that when we are positive, it can help us solve many problems in life because positivity helps calm our nervous system and when we are calm we would be able to engage the prefrontal cortex of our brain to be able to make executive decisions in our lives.

As for focus, go back to the first two essential practices I shared at the beginning of this blog post. Of course, there are more tips but I cannot emphasise more how important it is to be practice being aware of ourselves and treating ourselves with kindness.

5- Positivity helps me to gain clarity for myself and makes me feel happy and determine to be successful.

Yes, I cannot agree more. I too find clarity when I look at things or situations in a positive light. It shifts our attention to problem-solving mode and it makes taking action forward effortless.

I then asked mummies the following question,

Q: How do you practice positivity in your day to day life?

One mummy shared that every morning without fail or whenever she looks into the mirror, she would have a positive chat with herself.

I used to be someone who did not like to look at myself in the mirror and when I began practising saying a prayer taught to me as a Muslim, I began to see subtle shifts as to how I began to relate to myself.

“O Allah, You have beautified my body, so beautify my character”

Another mummy shared that she practice acceptance. Being able to accept what had taken place, past mistakes and outcomes as well as accepting herself and those around her.

This is a powerful practice because we are not trying to alter what already is but we can take actions forward towards an outcome and experience that we want every moment in our lives.

As an advocate of inner peace, I am mindful of not trying to force a change or outcome and allow situations to unravel themselves after doing what I can to the best of my knowledge and ability every moment. Most outcomes no longer surprise me because life is like the law of physics. Take the right effort with the right amount of energy you get to see results immediately or for the long term.

You reap what you sow.

One mummy shared that she’s been practising positivity with her son because previously she viewed him as being stubborn. Yes, how you view others will have an impact on the kind of relationship you get with another person. For example, if you view someone as stubborn, you would tend to feel hopeless around the person, when you shift how you view that same person, you would begin to take new actions with the person moving forward.

Another mummy shared that she’s inspired by one of our members who consistently shared affirmations in our WhatsApp group. She’s since started writing a gratitude journal and she starts her day with a positive note.

This is why we need focus groups  we are social creatures and what we see we tend to copy. Think about it, it is the same as what is trending online, many would want to ride along with the wave. Instead of blindly following random fads, might as well be in a focus group where everyone is up to accomplishing the same focused mission, in this case, self-mastery and positivity.

At the end of the discussion, the mummies shared why positivity is important.

Positivity gives us the strength to leap forward and not give up easily. When we do not dwell on unnecessary stuff such as celebrity gossip and news from across the world, we can gain clarity and focus on ourselves to keep improving and progressing. Positivity keeps us focused on our goals and can help us be confident person too.

There you go, our humble sharing on positivity. What do you think about positivity?

Join our next K Mummy’s Focus group, apply here or visit kamilahms.com to book your first self-mastery coaching with me.